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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

"I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down."

Today TDH is all about the aristos.

Let's start with Sir Angry, who's, er, not too happy with the way the press have been treating the Red Mist. "They have a hatred of Manchester United," he told a news conference. "It's always been there. That goes with the territory, I suppose, of us being such a high profile club."

Well, maybe, but do you see the same knives out for Chelski or the Goon Show? Not quite. And let us check off the reasons why:

1. Mourinho is blunt but witty. Wenger is supercilious but genial. Ferguson is grumpy except when he wins, when he's insupportable. That toothy, gum-chewing grin. Oooh.

2. Chelski play with smiles on their faces. The Goon Show go for beauty. The Red Mist stomp around with perpetual frowns, yelling at officials and even at genuinely wounded adversaries.

3. Stamford Bridge is an air-tight ship. Highbury's biggest controversy consists of negotiations with stick-up artist Ashley "Pretty Boy" Cole. Old Trafford lies smack in the middle of a war zone of flying insults and flying boots.

4. Fat Frank does his daddy-baby thing when he scores. Va-Va-Voom let's you know it's all in a day's work. Horseface acts like he's just won the flipping World Cup. Which could never happen. Because he's Dutch. (Sorry, Ronald....)

5. Chelski got lucky with a rich owner who actually loves football. The Goon Show are betting big on a new stadium. The Red Mist grabbed the cash by becoming a plc, then they were bought by someone the fans didn't like, then the fans protested and started their own club, then the sponsors pulled out, then....

You get the idea. Too bad, Sir, it's not just us. It's you lot.


Sir Les made a good point today when he picked up his MBE from Chazza, who probably wouldn't be seen dead at anything less than a Cup final (oh no - common folk!). Thus spoke the man for whom a real knighthood would have been an afterthought: "When you see the other people here and when I have done something I've enjoyed for 20 years, sometimes you don't feel worthy."

Too true. Plenty of these honors go to people who achieved much, yes, but without making many sacrifices in the process. Wouldn't it be great if the less celebrated but more admirable honorees featured in as many headlines as the annual crop of athletes, entertainers and washed-up pols?


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