"The man we want has to fit a certain profile. Is he a top coach? Would the players respect him? Is he a nutcase?"
What a week it's been for The Portuguese Pontificator! His latest soliloquy, here presented in blank verse for your reading pleasure, surely ranks among the best ever composed by such luminaries as Larkin, Cummings and, of course, Thribb:
ARSENE WENGER
by Jose Mourinho (aged 42 1/2)
I think he is one of these people
who is a voyeur.
He likes
to watch
other people.
There are some guys who,
when they are at home,
they have a big
telescope
to see what happens in other families.
He speaks
and speaks
and speaks
about Chelsea.
It bothers me because the guy is speaking all the time.
We never speak about them.
You can do it when you are top
and you have a big morale.
When you are on game number 11
and you still can't win away from home,
and when you are without Thierry Henry
and he can't win a game,
he should be worried about them.
He's worried about us,
he's always talking about us.
It's Chelsea,
Chelsea,
Chelsea,
Chelsea.
I might be worried
if my team made a defensive mistake.
I shouldn't be worried
about what Arsenal did at Tottenham.
They are always speaking about the other families.
I don't know if he wants my job,
I don't know.
He loves Chelsea.
Okay, so The Poet of Putney may have lucked into a sweet job where money is as much behind the results as his own post-Tinkerman tinkering. But let's face it, the man has a gift. Poet laureate nominations will be forwarded from this website.
ARSENE WENGER
by Jose Mourinho (aged 42 1/2)
I think he is one of these people
who is a voyeur.
He likes
to watch
other people.
There are some guys who,
when they are at home,
they have a big
telescope
to see what happens in other families.
He speaks
and speaks
and speaks
about Chelsea.
It bothers me because the guy is speaking all the time.
We never speak about them.
You can do it when you are top
and you have a big morale.
When you are on game number 11
and you still can't win away from home,
and when you are without Thierry Henry
and he can't win a game,
he should be worried about them.
He's worried about us,
he's always talking about us.
It's Chelsea,
Chelsea,
Chelsea,
Chelsea.
I might be worried
if my team made a defensive mistake.
I shouldn't be worried
about what Arsenal did at Tottenham.
They are always speaking about the other families.
I don't know if he wants my job,
I don't know.
He loves Chelsea.
Okay, so The Poet of Putney may have lucked into a sweet job where money is as much behind the results as his own post-Tinkerman tinkering. But let's face it, the man has a gift. Poet laureate nominations will be forwarded from this website.
posted by Daniel Altman at 7:25 PM
2 Comments:
I like mourinho more with each passing day. He's wound Wenger up to the point of litigation!
I've been looking at the united midfield. Only Michael Ballack can save them now.
Hmm, I wonder what the Euston Pele will have to say about all this. Still, either Mourinho is a childish git or he's cleverly managed to tap into Wenger's inner indignant Frenchman. Or both.
Ballack could definitely help Manure, but he might be too offensive-minded to anchor the midfield like Keano has. He'd basically want to play the same position at Scholes.
Keano was probably right when he said that several of Manure's younger players aren't up to scratch, but I'd take exception to John O'Shea. He's a fighter and usually solid.
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