"We're taking 22 players to Italy, sorry, to Spain... where are we, Jim?"

Cruise Director Souey (seen here with the rest of his staff) has decided to take his squad to Marbella for, presumably, some recreation and light training that will do nothing to prepare them for Chelsea. Perhaps there'll be some bonding among the first team players... except that Owen, Emre, Taylor, Swansong and Faye are all on international duty. Oh, and by the way, Shearer, Carr, Dyer and Luque are all back on Tyneside receiving treatment. So, hmm, that leaves a maximum of seven or eight first-teamers and a bunch of scrubs. Have a nice trip, boys, while the men are grinding it out.

---

Word comes from Merseyside that the chief executive, "Slick" Rick Parry, has been in the States meeting with Bob Kraft. Like Malcolm Glazer, America's very own ginger gnome (he's breeding), Kraft is the owner of a Super-Bowl-winning team. Unlike the Glazer family, the Kraft family has owned a real football club since its inception: the New England Revolution. And they're serious about it.

Back in 1999, TDH had the good fortune to watch the Revolution take on Ajax under a cold, hard rain in Foxboro, Massachusetts. Ajax had several of its stars and won, 2-1, but DaMarcus Beasley, soon to face Ajax again for PSV, grabbed a snazzy goal. At the moment, the Revs are favored to win the league's top trophy. Hopefully, the Kop will take this to heart, saving us more scenes of shrieking xenophobia and a 7th division team called FC Liverpool United.

Of course, the intolerant idiots of the BNP will do their best to wind up the Scousers. Why? Simple - if Kraft buys Anfield, then he'll join Abramovich, Glazer, Gold and Levy as (at least) the fifth Jewish supremo of a Premiership club. A conspiracy, obviously.