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Thursday, November 03, 2005

"I’d never allow myself to let myself call myself a coward..."

I've just heard a rumor that agents for Arsene Wenger and Jose Mourinho have been in talks with a certain Mr. Donald King of West Palm Beach, Florida. Mr. King issued a press release filled with a lot of five-syllable words. He also said a fight is set for Las Vegas during football's winter holiday. The tale of the tape:

In the red corner...
Arsene "Lupin" Wenger
Birthdate: 22 October 1949
Birthplace: Strasbourg, France
Height: 5ft 10in
Weight: 12st 9lbs (177 lbs)
Reach: 75in plus the nose

In the blue corner...
Jose "Millionaire" Mourinho
Birthdate : 26 January 1963
Birthplace: Setubal, Portugal
Height: 5ft 10in
Weight: 11st 2 (156 lbs)
Reach: 72in in an overcoat

Wenger has some experience in the ring, as shown by this documentary evidence. Mourinho usually trains by punching the air every time Chelsea score. Mills Lane has been selected as referee, narrowly beating out Switzerland's Urs Meier, on account of his experience with MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch.

Late Thursday rumors were swirling that suggested Mr. Roman Abramovich would use part of his immense fortune to hire one Michael G. Tyson of New York, New York, to fight in Mourinho's place. Reached by telephone, Mr. Tyson, who has recently been taking language courses, said of Wenger, "I wanna manger his enfants!"

Separately, Mr. King is said to be involved in a litigation with Wenger over some Rumsfeldian comments the Gooner Gaffer made on Wednesday. Mr. King is also suing Secretary Rumsfeld for plagiarizing his vocal stylings, as well as for stealing his first name. Mr. King claims to have originated Rumsfeld and Wenger's metadialectical evasion technique when he said, "I can't believe that having said what I said was interpreted as having been what I said when I said it, because I said it where I said it, when I said it, and who I said it to."


Blogger the Maradona of Malawi said...

well, don't know about you, but I found that Man U - Lille game incredible. Obviously not because of the extremely poor quality of the football, but for the continuing decline and fall of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Glaswegian (for football of quality, we could have watched Barca's demolition of Panathinaikos or Udinese's storming comback/loss).

Plainly, most of this united squad just aren't good enough to play at the highest level. If Chelsea's top choice full backs were injured (assuming they are Gallas and Del Horno), they'd have Ferreira and Bridge to come in, both international players. United lost 'tache and Ketchup and they have to dig out a youth teamer and a converted winger.

And on a final note, Seabiscuit was absolutely appalling, I don't think he did one thing well over the 90 minutes. At least Best Mate went out on a blaze of glory...

11:53 AM  
Blogger The American Geordie said...

I think all these clubs' supposedly vaunted youth systems are over-rated. Everyone used to talk about the puppy farms at Ajax, Manure and Real. What have they produced lately? Er... Pavon? The only one that seems to have worked in this century is over at Upton Park, the only problem being that almost all its best progeny are now playing elsewhere....

1:34 PM  

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