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Monday, January 16, 2006

"We have to roll up our sleeves and get our knees dirty."

As promised, today TDH brings you the nastiest team in top-league football.

Watching Boca trounce River the other night, TDH was struck by what whining pricks Marcelo Gallardo - who recently threw a big enough tantrum to get the River coach booted - and the lesser-known Gustavo Oberman are. And that got TDH thinking about the current kings of diving, handling, holding, stamping and otherwise taking cheap shots at the opposition when the referee's back is turned.

Doubtlessly you could compose the entire team from any league, but TDH's sinister squad is weighted a bit towards the Premiership, as it's focus of this blog. Here's TDH's XI, but suggestions are welcome via your comments below:


The Dirty XI

Forwards:
Duncan Ferguson (EVE) - second career as mugger awaits
Cristiano Ronaldo (MAN) - sissy queen of cards up front

Midfielders:
Michael Ballack (BAY) - most cynical player alive?
Young-Pyo Lee (TOT) - turns diving into an art
Robbie Savage (BLA) - biggest time-bomb since Haji
Marcelo Gallardo (RIV) - has a cabinet full of Oscars

Defenders:
Gary Neville (MAN) - dishes it out but can't take it
Ricardo Carvalho (CHE) - stealth instead of skill
Juliano Belletti (BAR) - rivals Tarricco for cheap shots
Sinisa Mihajlovic (INT) - a mobster, not a footballer

Goalkeeper:
Jens Lehmann (ARS) - specializes in injuring strikers


TDH tried to resist picking more than one player per team, though Blackburn (Dickov) and Inter (Materazzi) seem to attract these guys, as well as the Red Mist. Any more entries from Germany, France, Portugal, Holland, Brazil? Is Phil the more evil Neville? Let TDH and the world know by posting a comment!

3 Comments:

Blogger the Maradona of Malawi said...

oh, what a contentious issue. First, to pick on your clear bias: Ronaldo, but not Shearer?! For shame...

I'm pleased that Diving Pippo didn't make the cut, and YP Lee did. As you know, i have a particular hatred for him. However, i object to the omission (acknowledged, it must be said) of Marco Matterazzi, surely the most irritating thing short of a rash on your privates.

I also think we should give a mention for Spanish football's resident proctologist, Dr. Pablo Alfaro, a man who once stuck his finger, well ... there in an attempt to put reyes off his game.

and Totti, who once said, of a goal: 'no, it didn't come off my hand, but if it had, it would have been even sweeter...'

7:58 PM  
Blogger The American Geordie said...

Hey, the castigation of Kiki Ron was purely by the numbers! He's got 6 yellows and 1 red from 18 Premiership matches, most of them incomplete - more than any other forward.

Meanwhile, Uncle Alan's got two yellows from 20 matches, most of them complete! Sure, the old man's crafty, but every center-half in the league grabs, holds and elbows him. Think Jordan in the later years - yeah, he got the fouls, but for a reason.

Totti was definitely in my thoughts....

9:05 PM  
Blogger the Maradona of Malawi said...

fair enough re: Ron. But while Mike was crafty in his dotage, as you'd expect with his experience, what set him apart was always his explosive talent. Not sure you could say the same about Big Al anymore. He seems to now be getting by on aggression and wiles. Mike could do that, but when it came down to it, he still had the touch, vision and shot to score almost at will. though comparing anyone to mike will expose flaws.

How about Diouf? he's got it all: phlegm, studs up challenges, dives...

6:43 AM  

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