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New site: Offside9.com

To any former TDH readers: TDH has a new outlet, Offside9.com! Check it out for original articles, hilarious videos, cutting live match commentary and statistically based predictions of match results during the World Cup! Tell your friends - TDH knows you have some!

Fiesta de futbol

Yes, football is back. TDH wasn't overly excited by the Olympic tournament - heck, not even the Argentines were. It's not as though they all flooded towards the Obelisk in the center of Buenos Aires to celebrate every victory. Nope, they didn't even show after the final. Nice timing, though - a 1 a.m. kick-off was just about perfect for locals finishing up their Friday dinners.

More heartening for TDH were a different pair of Argentine-related developments. First, Coloccini and Gutierrez seem to be admirable additions to the side - good on you, Keegle. We still lack creativity in midfield, but perhaps Guthrie will grow into the job. TDH personally feels that Milner should play the creative role in the center with Gutierrez and Zog or Duff on the wings, then two of our better strikers up front. It's nice to see Martins and Owen on the scoresheet so, ahem, early in the season. (So long, Shola, it took too long to unload you.)

The second development was directly linked to the first. Every Toon match now appears on Argentine television. Yes, even the Bolton match was there for the taking... if only TDH had known, perhaps TDH might have caught a few minutes, rather than sleeping through the usual vitamin-and-ibuprofen-mitigated hangover. And why should we be surprised? The Magpies now have more Argentine starters than any other team in the league.

More even than Manure, which, to be frank, looked rather toothless even against a misfiring Pompey. You can see why Sir won't let Kiki Ron go easily. To be honest, TDH can't imagine the pretty boy being as influential at Madrid, either. A couple more months without him is going to hurt the Red Mist. With Arsenal in nursery school and Liverpool's defense a bit suspect, bet on Chelsea for the championship.

More pre-season musings

A few more random thoughts to keep us all buzzing before the season starts:

First, let us hope that the words Northern Rock emblazoned across our shirts do not act as a harbinger of similar fortunes. Rather, let us hope that team and sponsor follow a path of stabilization and resurgence! Past performance is no guarantee of future results! Amen!

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A friend recently said of Argentine politics, "How come we always have to add a little pepper to the mix?" The same is true of Argentine football. It's as though coaches feel they need to avoid the obvious, safe options in order to distinguish themselves somehow.

Just look at this Olympic football tourney; Argentina should win it in a walk. They can start with a team that includes Ustari, Garay, Mascherano, Banega, Gago, Riquelme, Aguero and Messi - all top quality players. They can play a nice 4-4-2 with the two dimunitive strikers at the top, followed by Riquelme, then Gago and Banega giving some width and Mascherano sweeping behind.

But no. An idiot named Sergio Batista has decided to play some kind of weird Christmas tree with a nobody named Lavezzi at the top, two of the best forwards in the world inexplicably sitting behind him, and Riquelme behind them. In fact, Riquelme spent much of the game against the Ivory Coast sitting behind the midfield line. Explain this to TDH, please.

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If there was one thing you could say about Chelsea under Jose Mourinho, it was that the team played consistently. It didn't matter where or when they played, the odds were probably better than even on a 1-0 victory. Not so with Big Phil, at least so far.

Sure, he's trying out different stuff. But one day, they lose on penalties to Locomotiv in a carbon-copy of the Champions League final (even the sequence of the last kicks was exactly the same, amazing). And the next day, they crush Milan 5-0. Even TDH is afraid to analyze what happened overnight.

Kudos, by the way, to the RRC folks for putting together a better website than Euro 2008's for a two-day, four-team tournament. That's what TDH means by going the extra kilometer. Choo-choo!

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Arshavin says Juande Ramos really convinced him that coming to Spurs would be a great idea. TDH thinks Barcelona's lack of interest may just have something to do with it as well. My, how the mighty $40 million transfers have fallen. Actually, TDH wouldn't pay anywhere near that for Arshavin. Sorry, the kid seems to be a tantrum-prone two-year-old just like dear old Dimitar. Speaking of whom, we'll soon see if Sir can do something about those snits.

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Coloccini is nowhere near the best Argentine central defender. (And no, TDH is no great fan of Milito, either.) But he's probably better than most central defenders who have recently made their way to Tyneside. Asi que bienvenido, Colocho, TDH espere que sigas bien, la verdad es que te necesitamos.

This year's hot stove heater

That's what they call it in the baseball world, anyway: all the off-season occurrences that keep us football people warm while we wait for the six-week layoff to end. Any day now, lads and ladies, any day now....

In the meantime, TDH has some trenchant observations to share:

1. $38 million for Robbie Keane? Are you mad? He's 28 years old, and you're paying the same for him as you did for El Niño. It's madness! Pure madness! At this rate, Kiki Ron's transfer fee could bail out Fannie Mae!

2. Why are our Magpies sticking by Joey Barton? He beat a teammate until the poor guy lost consciousness. He shouldn't be in football. Forget "he's paid his debt to society," Keegle, the boy is not worth the trouble. TDH is also somewhat worried about our slothfulness in the transfer market, though Argentine compañeros insist that Gutiérrez is the real deal.

3. The Olympic soccer tournament is completely ridiculous. It should be dumped in favor of an U23 World Cup. Then we can forget about all this Messi business and these bizarre hybrid teams. Yeah, I hate to throw FIFA a bone as much as anyone, but this Olympic business is ludicrous. And yeah, TDH will be watching every minute of it.

4. JOZY ALTIDORE IS A VILLAREAL PLAYER! Fantastic news for US Soccer. Oh, what emotion for TDH upon watching the YouTube video of Altidore's presentation to the crowd. Unless TDH is wrong, Altidore is the first American in the modern Primera Liga. The fans of the Submarino Amarillo went wild for the American striker, and TDH is hoping that he and Adu (now on loan to Monaco) will be the national team's go-to combo for many years to come.

By the way, apologies for TDH's long absence, but TDH just had a hard time maintaining enthusiasm at the end of the last Premier League season. Manure winning the Champions League as Terry lost his chance at history didn't help. And Euro 2008, well, yes, TDH had plenty to say about it, but it's all been said already. Okay?

Following the script, at last

Today's scoresheet against Reading looked exactly the way so many Toon fans had doubtlessly composed it in their dreams for countless games earlier this year: 3-0, goals from Martins, Owen and Viduka. How long have we waited for this moment? Too long, of course. And now, the dreaming Toon fan wonders, could Keegle's men win out?

Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Keegle's goal of bettering Roeder's 43-point haul is a realistic and worthy one. Indeed, we should be able to gain the fabled "mid-table respectability" which has so long been the province of trophy-laden clubs like Villa and City, ahem. Will there be better things to come next year? Don't bet on it. The season of two halves has become a nasty habit, and there's still no evidence of any of the equally fabled "tactical nous" that we have lacked for so many years.

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TDH has been hearing the rumors about Rodrigo Palacios. First, he's going to Lazio. No, now Chelsea is interested. Well, TDH has a message for all of Europe's prospective buyers: caveat emptor. Palacios is having a nice run at the moment, but generally speaking he's only speed - no finishing. Plus, guess what? At 26 years old, he's not getting any faster. Rodrigo himself says he'll never leave Boca. TDH says menos mal.

Some pride, at last

TDH was disappointed to see a team with five Yanks lose at the weekend, even if it gave our Toon lads a much-needed three points. The names on the scoresheet were the right ones, at last, and one can only hope that it will continue. Keegle seems to have found a working formula, even if there's a huge hole in midfield. If it works with a couple more scrub teams, we're safe. Just.

But what pleased TDH even more - because let's face it, with the Magpies any pleasure is always bittersweet - was how those same Yanks bounced back in Poland on Wednesday. Okay, Poland is not one of Europe's greatest teams, even if they are going to Euro 2008. Still, taking them apart 3-0 in their own house has to mean something. It wasn't even an all-European team for us, just a decent XI assembled from a combination of our top division stars and a few standouts from MLS.

That success, combined with the good turnaround by the A-Team in the Olympic qualifiers, was enough to make TDH dream about the future. Who's the A-Team? Why, Adu and Altidore, of course!

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There were quite a few other tasty friendlies, though the only one that made it to TDH's screen was France v England. (It was shocking, really, that TDH couldn't watch Italy v Spain in a country that's about 60 percent of Italian and Spanish ancestry.) So, once again, TDH tuned in with interest to see what Fabs would conjure.

This time, it was disappointment. With Becks and James in the side, it could have been a match from two or even four years ago - but for the tireless Gareth Barry (he's the white Ledley King!). At least Bentley got a run-out in the second half, though his crosses were pitifully low for a guy with fresh legs. Downing did a lot of running and ended up nowhere - TDH is still disappointed, after he raised expectations so high in that Premier League match a few years ago against, um, us.

All in all, it was the standard idea-less England performance to which we've become so accustomed. Mix it up, Fabs!

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TDH also took in Egypt v Argentina, a fighting performance by the African champs that only came undone thanks to the native talent of a certain ex-Independiente player who goes by the best three-letter nickname since El Cid. The kid is on fire. Did anyone see what he did to Sevilla at the weekend? A monster. Soon we will all forget about Messi, at least that's what TDH's Kun-krazy Spanish neighbor says.

And there may be something to it. Messi is so direct, storming towards the goal like a basketball forward charging through the lane. But Aguero improvises like Charlie Parker, spinning off long runs in unpredictable directions, different every time. Either way, Argentina has some weapons. Too bad Basile's overall setup was a total mess. Embarrassing, really. He has to go. Soon. TDH hears Pedro Troglio is available....

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Yes, Troglio is gone and TDH is praying for Russo as his replacement. If Passarella gets the job, TDH might follow a friend's example and become a fan of Ferro Carril Oeste. Good old Ferro. It's a club on the tail end of two decades of decline, but a day out at the stadium - pitifully empty these days but with a vociferous and loyal tribuna popular - sure is a pleasure. They have cool jackets, too.