"Of their goals, two came from headers and one was a header."

TDH has discovered an easy way to judge the quality of a Premiership match: it's inversely proportional to the amount of time the ball spends above the players' heads. By this measure, the West Brom v Scumderland match wasn't too different from Manure v Liverpool. Both were frustrating exercises in volleyball and misfiring passes.

Is it because of the English game's speed? Perhaps. With less time on the ball, it's more likely that a pass will go astray, or a header will take the place of controlling the ball. Perhaps the Spanish game is not as fast, not as tough, yet there's something to be said for watching the pretty patterns drawn on the ground.

If you want that in the Premiership, you're stuck with Chelsea on a good day. Arsenal used to be an option, perhaps the best one, but after this weekend's loss to Everton it seems like every team has twigged how to disrupt their precious triangles.

Manure finally triumphed with a good piece of fundamental footie. Cap'n Gary curls a textbook cross into the box from a free kick, His Name Is Rio loses his marker in a sea of red, goodnight. Liverpool couldn't muster even one moment of similar precision in the entire match - it looked like Cisse and Crouch were communicating about as much as the USA and the USSR in 1962. Moreover, Cisse's never seen a half-chance he couldn't turn into no-chance.

Not that Manure was much better; Horseface had one open shot on goal, which he tapped into Reina's hands as if he were teaching a six-year-old. Were these really the 2nd and 3rd placed teams in the Premier League? Let's just say TDH was relieved that Barcelona v Alaves was on next.